What if....

Today I didn’t get my magic in the morning, and it has really messed with me. I’m less able to cope with the demands of mother hood. It’s incredibly difficult to put words on paper. I’m one big ball of insaneness just ripe to burst at any given moment. Innocent bystanders beware.

It makes me wonder though, how other people react when something they’ve come to rely on doesn’t happen, either by choice or otherwise. How would Jamie react or Josh or Debbie and Iris? What do they rely on? What would happen if Penny couldn’t wear her ankle breakers? Would she lose her pep? Her bubbly personality? What would happen if Debbie didn’t have her Buba any more? Would she be unable to cope with the stress of a new life? What would happen to Jamie if she cut off all her hair? Would she lose her identity? What would happen to Amanda if no one catered to her anymore? Would she fall into a pit of self loathing or find another way to validate her worth? How would they then turn it around and grow to a better person? Would they grow to a better person or would they give up on that path and move to wickedness?

How far would they go to get it back? What would they gladly give up in exchange? Me, I’ll gladly give up sleep in order to get my sun rises. I’ll trudge through the week in a fog of sleep deprivation for those few hours in the morning when it’s just me and the click of the keys, the scratch of a pencil.

Today, I just want to hit the redo button and wake at my normal hour. Instead I’ll take deep breaths until my fingers tingle and work this nightmare of a morning into something I can use in my books. A way to make Jamie, Josh, Sarah, Penny, Rob, Debbie, Amanda, Renee, Iris, Shelia, Jake, Aleme, Matt, Hope, Faith, Lilly, Seth, and Star that much more of a person, that much more believable.

My Magic Morning

I’ve grown to really love my mornings and the silence in the house, the sleepy scene playing outside the window. I get to watch the sun set the mountain side of fire, see the flames lick down to the field below. Sometimes it kisses the dingy sides of cows, others the blaze highlights great birds in flight. Today, that field is empty, except a lone deer with her head bent to taste the dew.

Both girls are sleeping, little faces twitch with dreams and cheeks so rosy red. The cat is out, either hunting a rabbit or stuck in the tree. Mr. Fo, the forever fish, rests at the bottom of his tank. The only sounds inside this room: the click of keys, the sputter of coffee and the hum of the fridge.

I know this wonder will be short lived. I know soon enough the sun will finish her journey and her fire will leave the mountain a lush green. The babies will wake and fill the house with their unique music and the cat will beg for food as she hasn’t eaten all night, poor thing. Cartoons will drown out the crisp tap of words and the slosh of milk will over power the tinkle of coffee.

I find myself waking earlier each day, just for a few more moments of this magic morning. I gladly give up that little extra sleep for this time that is mine now. And as joyful as these few hours are to me, as priceless as they have become, I wouldn’t want it to last forever. That would ruin it, I believe. So, I’ll take this time and when the house awakes, I’ll bid it ado until tomorrow with a little grin and fully recharged to meet the crazy that is my life.

All The Bliss Without The Jet Lag

It always surprises me how much can go to the way side when the writing bug really hits hard. I can forget to do the most basic of things, like eat or sleep. I’ll get sucked in so hard and so deep that suddenly the sun is down and I’d only just woken up. My days get all burled together into one black and white adventure. My hands cramp up from holding the pencil too long and the side of my pinky is coated with lead dust, smearing the pages.

Despite all the physical discomforts from prolonged writing binges, I come out of the zone feeling so much better then I went in. Sure, my back and bum are telling me, in no uncertain terms, that I over did it. But the bliss I get over shadows all of that. Yeah, I haven’t slept in who knows how long; however, I’m more rested then I have been in ages. So what if my body is screaming at me to eat, it doesn’t matter when I feel filled to the brink.

When life just gets to be overwhelming and I’m pulling my hair out, all I need to do is pick up a story and write. The times when Bells is in a fit and the Puffet is screaming in my ear I turn on a show, place the baby in the a jumper and hide away in the land of Mother Goose for just a few moments and come out again ready to tackle the next poopy diaper and splat of milk on the floor.

I don’t know why this happens and honestly at this point, I really don’t care. It’s an escape, a release, a much needed vacation without the cost or jet lag.

Just Another Day For This Mother

Today is a day to acknowledge all the hard work a mother does for her family. It’s a day to show her how much she’s appreciated and for some, it’s the one day out of the year that she can take off. For me, it’s just another day.

I woke up to a screaming baby and a 4-year-old demanding breakfast. So I dragged myself out of bed, despite the day or the ungodly pain. Today, I get to clean house, change diapers, cook meals, clean some more, wear spit up and butt heads with a stubborn preschooler alone.

And I get the baby giggles, “I love you’s,” slobber kisses, leg hugs, raspberries and cuddle bugs all to myself. I won’t have to share the ear-to-ear smiles, squeals of delight or sleeping angel faces.

Today is just another day for this mother, because in my life, everyday is Mother’s Day.